(((Aussie))) This cult is guilty of ruining many, many families. It is good that you have been able to write it all down. I found that keeping a journal after I left helped. Putting into words what we feel can be very helpful. I hope you can find a therapist or someone who will patiently listen to your feelings of hurt and anger. It takes a while to talk it all out. It took me months of saying pretty much the same thing over and over to finally get through it.
Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon (been there)...just try to remember that without your influence in their lives, your children will likely end up in the same situation you find yourself in. You have been making progress with them. Only you can show them what a normal life can be. -Leslie-